When your child is a bully

When your child is a bully

Nothing is ever good when school rings. Usually, the child is sick and needs to be taken. Other times it is a forgotten lunch box. But sometimes the teacher (or principal!) Maybe ringing to report your child's misconduct, or even that your child has been bullied.
Most parents would immediately think, "Not my child!" But the truth is that every child is able to be bullied, given the combination of appropriate circumstances. Most parents will want to know the reason? And what should they do when your child is a bully.

Why do children bully?

Low self-esteem

Bullying children usually suffer from themselves. Often, they have low self-esteem. Poor self-esteem in a child who also lacks good communication skills can make them feel as though they need to constantly defend themselves.

Lack of control

Sometimes bully children feel that they need to "be responsible" for something, or in this case, someone. If they have had a lot of big changes in their lives that were totally out of their control, they might criticize them. Emphasizing dominance gives them a sense of control that helps them cope with their weakness. They may have been a victim of being bullied by someone else, either at home or at school, and have lost their sense of personal power.

Lack of personal awareness

When they attack others, a bully is unaware of what they really feel. Indeed, bully attacks can be expectations of their own fear, insecurity, or shame. When they are in the attack, they stop looking at themselves. Instead, they use bullying, unconsciously, to hide from themselves.

What to do when your bully child

Keep calm and listen

It can be difficult to hear people saying something negative about your child. But try to stay calm and listen. Thank the parents, teacher or principal of the school for your arrival and let you know. Let them know that you take this seriously and will work with your child to stop the behavior.

Remember that obtaining facts will help you know why your child behaved this way. be quiet. take a deep breath. Listen.

Take time to process the information

Take the time to process the information you received before approaching your child. It is a good time to reflect on what is also happening in your child's life.

Do they have a caring and supportive home life where they feel loved and accepted? Do they receive adequate attention from you? Have they experienced major disturbances or emotional disturbances recently?

Do they feel safe in school? Do they have friends and feel they can keep up with the school work? Do they have hobbies or activities that inspire and keep them active and involved?

When any of these things stop in your child's life, this may lead them to hide from their emotions through bullying.

Talk to your child

Share your child in a gentle way. We cannot care for parents well when we are upset, and our children do not listen well when they are upset. Try to keep calm as you get closer to the topic.

Explain what you heard and ask your child to tell you what happened from his point of view. If they just want to tell you what the other child did (that is, "He hit me first!") Make it clear that you want to hear about it, but first you want to hear what he did.

Build sympathy for the other child with the question, "Can you help me figure out why the other child sees it differently?" , And "How would you feel if he did this to you?" they feel. To stop bullying effectively, we must change our children's perspective.

Finally, tell your child that bullying is totally unacceptable and should stop now. Don't lecture - just a simple statement will help your point of view get better.

Work on a solution

Finally, help solve the situation. The school will follow a bullying policy and is likely to take steps on its own. Support the school in doing so. If bullying occurs outside the school (i.e. bullying), inform the school so that they can board the plane.

Ask the teacher or school for advice and help to solve the problem. Stay in touch with them to make sure your child does the right things going forward.

Help your child understand his feelings

In the end, it is important to get to the basic running issues. Finding out what led to this behavior will bring you a lot closer to helping your child better understand his feelings, without resorting to bullying.

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